I may finally be about to crack up here. Pity party below.
I can't take much more of this. Even knowing the ablation is just weeks away, I am going crazy.
Out of all my obstetrical history, my first miscarriage was the worst. Followed closely by my regular menstrual cramps. My two deliveries rank dead last. The recovery from the section was painful, but at least I didn't have to be up moving with it. Oh, and I guess I really ought to rank the ovarian cyst rupturing in there. It was between the m/c and the cramps I think. I am not including in this pain scale system my hernia repair and the resulting reopening of that incision.
These cramps are ranking up there with the m/c and the cyst. I actually had to look yesterday to make sure I didn't pass my remaining ovary and the uterus itself. Whatever it was, it weighed 2 lbs. Yep, that is how big these clots are. I couldn't remotely have been pg, I am now on my 4th Monday of this kind of bleeding.
I was in so much pain last night I couldn't sleep. What does my hubby do? He stays up with me. While I do agree, that was very sweet, I also think it showed very poor planning on his part. Want to guess who is actually awake now? Me. He is curled up in bed asleep. I have tried 3 times to wake him up this morning. He falls back asleep before I can even get out of the room to go to sleep myself. I don't even need the sleep, so much as I need to be able to get onto my back and off my feet. Gravity isn't helping the bleeding any, let me tell you.
Right now, I feel very bad and very sorry for myself. In the past 2 years, I have been through so much. Each and every time, I feel like I have been left high and dry in the help department. I have had a few good friends that have helped me out, but friends can only help so much. Family makes it abundently clear they will only help out when it is convienent for them. Never mind the fact that I have jumped every damned time they have asked for help. Well, I did until I realized that it would not be a mutual thing.
After my hernia repair, we had to beg for someone to take even one of the kids overnight so I could rest and take some of the burden off Tony. When the incision got infected and had to be reopened, NO ONE was here to help. They watched the kids the hour I was at the Dr's office, and then I spent the afternoon alone with the kids. I wasn't supposed to lift anything over 10 lbs, but do you think I was able to stick with that? Hell no. Tomorrow, I have an endometrial biopsy with ultrasound. It hurts like all kinds of hell, but will I be able to come home, take something for pain, and sleep? Nope. I have to watch the kids by myself because Tony works evening, and God forbid anyone have to put the kids to sleep but us. It's not that hard damn it! You give them a sippy of water, the snugglies they love, make sure they have a clean butt, and a night light, then turn out the light and close the door. That's it. That puts people here until 8pm. Again, will anyone be here but me? Nope. So, after my appointment, I will pretty much be in severe pain from 1pm until 8pm with no medication. If I take anything, I can't take care of the kids.
Before anyone gets upset, Tony really would take off if he could. With this new position though, he can't. I mean, it would be a loss of the job entirely if he did.
More, cont'd.
Out of all my obstetrical history, my first miscarriage was the worst. Followed closely by my regular menstrual cramps. My two deliveries rank dead last. The recovery from the section was painful, but at least I didn't have to be up moving with it. Oh, and I guess I really ought to rank the ovarian cyst rupturing in there. It was between the m/c and the cramps I think. I am not including in this pain scale system my hernia repair and the resulting reopening of that incision.
These cramps are ranking up there with the m/c and the cyst. I actually had to look yesterday to make sure I didn't pass my remaining ovary and the uterus itself. Whatever it was, it weighed 2 lbs. Yep, that is how big these clots are. I couldn't remotely have been pg, I am now on my 4th Monday of this kind of bleeding.
I was in so much pain last night I couldn't sleep. What does my hubby do? He stays up with me. While I do agree, that was very sweet, I also think it showed very poor planning on his part. Want to guess who is actually awake now? Me. He is curled up in bed asleep. I have tried 3 times to wake him up this morning. He falls back asleep before I can even get out of the room to go to sleep myself. I don't even need the sleep, so much as I need to be able to get onto my back and off my feet. Gravity isn't helping the bleeding any, let me tell you.
Right now, I feel very bad and very sorry for myself. In the past 2 years, I have been through so much. Each and every time, I feel like I have been left high and dry in the help department. I have had a few good friends that have helped me out, but friends can only help so much. Family makes it abundently clear they will only help out when it is convienent for them. Never mind the fact that I have jumped every damned time they have asked for help. Well, I did until I realized that it would not be a mutual thing.
After my hernia repair, we had to beg for someone to take even one of the kids overnight so I could rest and take some of the burden off Tony. When the incision got infected and had to be reopened, NO ONE was here to help. They watched the kids the hour I was at the Dr's office, and then I spent the afternoon alone with the kids. I wasn't supposed to lift anything over 10 lbs, but do you think I was able to stick with that? Hell no. Tomorrow, I have an endometrial biopsy with ultrasound. It hurts like all kinds of hell, but will I be able to come home, take something for pain, and sleep? Nope. I have to watch the kids by myself because Tony works evening, and God forbid anyone have to put the kids to sleep but us. It's not that hard damn it! You give them a sippy of water, the snugglies they love, make sure they have a clean butt, and a night light, then turn out the light and close the door. That's it. That puts people here until 8pm. Again, will anyone be here but me? Nope. So, after my appointment, I will pretty much be in severe pain from 1pm until 8pm with no medication. If I take anything, I can't take care of the kids.
Before anyone gets upset, Tony really would take off if he could. With this new position though, he can't. I mean, it would be a loss of the job entirely if he did.
More, cont'd.
posted by Amy at 7:43:00 AM
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