I can't sleep

I have been having the absolute worst nightmares. This is the kind you had when you were a kid. You know, where you had trouble waking from them, and had trouble realizing they weren't real, even if they weren't something likely to happen? When I do wake, I feel drugged. Tony even told me I was acting drugged. I'm now afraid to even try to go to sleep. I really need to though. I am having trouble sleeping unless someone is awake and "on guard." I really need a therapist.

In order to get healthier, I am trying to seriously increase my water intake. I hate the taste of water, so this is not easy for me. So, I challenged Tony to a contest. Whoever drinks the most each day out of the 2 gallon bottles of water we have, gets pleasured. Use your imagination for that. If we tie, we both get some pleasure.

I have been so incredibly sad lately. Maybe it is the kids' birthday coming up. Maybe it is Bella's anniversary date. Other than 2 things, this is the worst time of year for me. It seems like all the deaths and heartache happen in the early part of the year. Lately, I have felt like I was waiting on something. Maybe it is just 29 years of experience making me sad. And just maybe, it is serious PMS. I know my issues with my mother are adding to this. I'll post on that later.

The cramps have been so bad lately that I have actually had to breathe through them and use my self hypnosis.

I'm going to go attempt sleep. There is just so much weighing on my mind at the moment.