2 Years Ago

I stood in the twin's room last night, just watching them. AJ had woken up with what I assume was a bad dream. I went in to calm him by patting his back. He calmed down before long, and I just stood there. I love those moments. Those are the moments when the day's stress just melts away for me. I try to regularly sneak into their room and watch them sleep. Torie is a super active sleeper. AJ wakes up often, but goes right back to the same position.

You see, 2 years ago yesterday, I was admitted to L&D in premature labor. How silly I feel now for not realizing I was in labor. I was so scared at this point 2 years ago. I was terrified to hope they would be ok. I was terrified to lose them. The neonatologist told us there was a 50/50 chance each that they would live. I was praying I could keep them in long enough to let the steriod shot work. I reached a point where I couldn't even let myself think about the situation.

Over the coming month, as the kids apprach their second birthday, I will be doing many more of these posts. I sit here, in complete and total shock even two years later. I can't believe I was gifted with these two beautiful, very bright, very precosious babies. I can't believe they aren't babies anymore. They are toddlers now. We are standing on the brink of a new stage for them. Over the coming year, we will hopefully master the basics of potty training, our language skills will develop more, we will master self feeding. Next Christmas will be even more awsome than this year's was.

Over the past two years, I have learned so much. I have grown so incredibly as a person, in ways I didn't imagine I ever would. I have spent so many hours memorizing my babies faces, gestures, and sounds. I can tell over the monitor with lots of background noise which child is snoring, which child is dreaming, and which child it is that is awake but not vocalizing. Much of this is done by listening to their breathing patterns. I never learned the hungry/wet/dirty/sleepy cries from each other. I know the pissed at the world and the something is wrong cries. I developed a method for dealing with the cries when they first came home. We were so sleep deprived I knew if I didn't do this pattern of checks with each cry, I would do double the work needed. It paid off.

I will never forget bringing each child home. I really wish they could have come home at the same time. It was so heartbreaking leaving her there. I can't begin to relate how chaotic those first weeks were. By the time the first birthday rolled around, we were almost laughing at how difficult singleton parents seemed to think they had it. We could unload a double stroller, install kids in carseats, dump packages, have stroller shoved into trunk, and be pulling the car out of the parking lot by the time a couple with a singleton that came out of the store at the same time could even get the kid in the car.

In the past year, we have stopped drinking formula, and gone to whole milk. I think we will stay with it for a while. They are not eating much lately. We started with chewable tylenol and vitamins this year also. (appropriate dosages of course) Torie is currently working on jumping. She is getting pretty good at it. AJ can say anything he wants, but will not do it on command. Only when he feels it is time.

So, while I wish at times I could have time back, go back to some of the earlier days so I can cherish them a little longer, I am looking forward to getting to know who my children will become over the next year.

Thank you God for giving them to me.
Thank you Tony for agreeing to try again. You are the most awesome dad.
Thank you Dr D for all your time, love, patience, and friendship. I can never say thank you enough to you. I hear women talk all the time about how great their ob/gyn is. I simply smile and tell them I hope their's is as wonderful as mine.